the one when you wait

i wanted to blog but i end up reading my past entries. & now im sleepy. pfft.

there's loads to share. about my 6 days stay in the hospital & why, missing lia's engagement. damn. the all day driving. not that many but i have things to tell. haahs.

okay, this is me typing; half asleep.

the one when it sucks

everything's falling apart. nothing's the same anymore. & it has been only what, 2 months? ishk.

i should learn to not be kaypoh. i should just believe whatever im told. its okaybetter if its a lie. as long as i don't know the truth. because truth hurts.

argh! & all these emotional feelings adds up to 10 times more because i'm at that time of the month. PMS is stupid.

i want to talk a walk with Rauf Aqil. he'll get me through this.

the one with family

i cant sleep. life hasn't been near perfect. as a matter of fact, it sucks. my life sucks.

its either my family changed or im the one who have been screwing things. i don't know anymore. right now i don't feel like im one of them. i stayed in the room the whole day today. lucky for me, i have my laptop. the lcd in the room is kinda useless. i don't even know why me & sis agreed to buy one. & we spend an awful lot of $ on it.

fine, i won't stray from the subject. i want to talk about my family. i thought when i've turned 21, things would be different. i would get my freedom. but no, i don't. im being treated like a 12 years old. although i love it when i was at that age. but i like to have options in life where i make the choice. i want to take risks, i want to be adventurous, i want to play it the hard way. but one thing's for sure, im never brave enough to face the music.

okay, let's cut to the chase, i don't know what i want in life. i never knew. maybe i enjoy this privillege i have from my parents too much. i've never lived the hard way. Alhamdulillah. & i'm so used to it that i never want to leave it. but all good things come to an end. maybe the end starts now. im so terrified of whatever that is going happen next. yet i mentioned i want to take risks & such. so contradicting. *scoffs*

like i've said, i don't really know what i want. i wish i was still 16. that's when i get into loads of trouble but im still being treated like a princess after apologising. when daddy still pays for everything. when i get what i want with no question asked. that's the beauty of being the youngest. nyeahh. things don't always go the way u want them to be. what do i expect? hehs.

this is the latest picture i have of my family. it was taken during my parents' 30th anniversary. let me introduce them to u people.
standing from left; Abang Salleh (brother-in-law), Kak Nana (second sister & the only one married), Kak Yayan (third sister. she's the best one. the one who shares the room & almost everything else with me) & then of course, yours truly, Ain (the one they can't get enough & also the one they had enough), Kak Da (first sister, the one who is so similar to me but no, we can't get along) & Apong (the only brother & the one who protects me)
the ones sitting down would be quite obvious but whatever. from left; Baba, Embah (my maternal grandmother) & Oma. of course the one little one is Rauf Aqil (my little sunshine, my fatso & the only nephew/grandson in the family) oh wait! there's no picture of Buttcheek. he's family too okay.

i love each & everyone of them & seriously, i would never, NEVER, wish for another.

ah, wtf. i'll always be a 12 year old in their eyes, like it or not.
*screaaaaams*

the one where i'm back

i've decided to blog again. guess why? hehs. i honestly believe it's because im happy & i would love to share my everyday with you people.

or maybe, im just plain bored at this moment. we'll see. haahs!